3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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