She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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