I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You need a sexual gate keeper
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
