physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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