i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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