why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
