she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just found puke in my bra..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
