Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
