you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
