chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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