Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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