cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
