u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
