so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
