i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
