It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
