dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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