i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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