Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
