I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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