found the other keg... it's in the tree
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just pee around me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
