we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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