Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
