I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
