oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
