Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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