I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
