guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
