so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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