my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
