If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize