Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
