hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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