it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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