Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
