you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
