OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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