when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
