I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize