I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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