I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
this hospital has no fireball
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
