I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
