So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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