remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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