It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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