Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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