So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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