Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
