i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
