Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize