im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
