I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
