I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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