I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
