I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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