allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
