So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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