I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
