im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
