I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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