1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
