Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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