Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
