Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
