i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
