'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize