you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
