Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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