I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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