he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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