You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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