a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
