Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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