Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize