Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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