Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
