part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
