Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
