It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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