update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize