I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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