once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
