I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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