I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
