You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize