Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
