Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
