Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My liver just had a heart attack.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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