I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
