The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
