So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
