Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
