Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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