Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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