just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
