I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
