how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize