He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
