My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
