you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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