1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
