Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize