he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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