but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
being pregnant is like rehab
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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