I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
