this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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