Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
