You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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